a sketchbook, ADHD, and A little bit of insight
In 2023 I cracked open a new sketchbook. Wide eyed and with the best intentions to finally, for once fill it up. 2 years later, I am proud to say that I have 10 pages to go before reaching that goal.
The first 20 pages
Is 2 years a long time to take to fill a 110 page sketchbook? Maybe. But as someone with a stack of unfinished sketchbooks spanning the course of over 20 years, I’m feeling pretty accomplished.
What’s more is that by sticking with this particular sketchbook, I have managed to gain a bunch of insight into how my mind works.
The first handful of pages are a bit random, but at some point, I started to develop a process - Set a timer for 25-30 min, throw on some music or a podcast, and just draw. It’s like a visual brain dump or, to paraphrase artist Paul Klee, it’s like taking a line for a walk.
I throw down some lines, maybe some shapes, and just build off of them. I find faces, characters, scenes, and objects. Sometimes I’ll add in text - phrases, quotes or ideas. Over time, I have started to develop a kind of language - a way that I draw my lines, recurring shapes, motifs and phrases.
I’ve also leaned into some broader discoveries. The process is very meditative. In mindfulness meditation, we observe our thoughts, acknowledge them and let them pass us by without attaching judgement. I try to do the same with each line I draw, letting it unfold and moving on to the next. It also keeps me present, in the moment.
Something I hadn’t considered until I was talking to my therapist about it, is how the process itself is a kind of mirror to how my ADHD brain works. It’s as though the pen in my hand is an extension of my mind rendering a jumble of meandering ideas and thoughts into a collection of seemingly random lines. However, upon further inspection, within these lines there are pockets of cohesion. All this to say, examining the outcomes with a wide lens gives the impression of chaos and nonsense, but if you dig in a little there are moments of clarity and legibility.
